By Kaden MacLeish
Words fail my graphite tongue and my spoken text when I think of you
Because loving you is like loving a self proclaimed Lucifer
It gives you a sense of freedom and rebellion but convicts you to a prison of hate
Loving you is like diving into the water in search of Oxygen breathing in only to drown
Watching you stay far with glasses that make you look close
Searching for your heart but all I can find is your sexual desire you substitute for care
I change myself
Cutting off pieces so I can fit in your puzzle
So I can click into a permanent place in your story
Unbeknownst the full picture is ugly
Ugly like the promised lie off your lips translating to love
My want was a dream for your mind and yours only a grasp at my body
While you come from lust I beg for charity
Damn your filthy mouth on mine, don’t taint my lips with your toxic masculinity
Secrets you so rudely thrust down my throat are now out for the world to see because I shouldn’t have to choke on them to keep you pleased
Hear my voice fade to grey like the memories we made that you replaced with your greed
The voice that could have healed you, you simply blocked out so you could pout about your childish wants
Without your outlet the power fades
Black out and confusion become my everyday day
You calmed my fear, when you made others afraid
I crave you, my safe place, but you set yourself aflame
You might be used to this domain like hell
But it toxicates me poisoning my brain with smoke
Leaving burns on my mind and heart and I choke
You can’t expect me to keep coming back to get burned again
When I stay gone don’t make me into one of your pitiful stories
Tools to charm someone else
Come and heal me from the marks you made
The hell you put me through
And Change
Change so I can write something good in these pages instead of smearing them with the remains of my broken heart
Be the man I know you can be
I need your soul not to get smothered by the faults of humanity
Because I only have so much of myself to put in your sad sad stories
And I only have so much of me to give at all
I need pieces left to build and grow on
Pieces left to mold into something new
You can’t have them all
This stagnant race is a pointless effort
Breaking the loop seems impossible when my brain won’t stop repeating the lie that I need you
The worst kind of love is unconditional
And It’s not you I hate so much but me
That’s the real tragedy
That’s my real fault
Because I’m not to blame for getting burned by your flames
Yet I want to be
So I can view you as a better person then you turned out to be
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