By Kaden MacLeish

Words fail my graphite tongue and my spoken text when I think of you

Because loving you is like loving a self proclaimed Lucifer 

It gives you a sense of freedom and rebellion but convicts you to a prison of hate

Loving you is like diving into the water in search of Oxygen breathing in only to drown 

Watching you stay far with glasses that make you look close

Searching for your heart but all I can find is your sexual desire you substitute for care

I change myself 

Cutting off pieces so I can fit in your puzzle 

So I can click into a permanent place in your story

Unbeknownst the full picture is ugly

Ugly like the promised lie off your lips translating to love

My want was a dream for your mind and yours only a grasp at my body

While you come from lust I beg for charity

Damn your filthy mouth on mine, don’t taint my lips with your toxic masculinity

Secrets you so rudely thrust down my throat are now out for the world to see because I shouldn’t have to choke on them to keep you pleased

Hear my voice fade to grey like the memories we made that you replaced with your greed

The voice that could have healed you, you simply blocked out so you could pout about your childish wants 

Without your outlet the power fades

Black out and confusion become my everyday day

You calmed my fear, when you made others afraid

I crave you, my safe place, but you set yourself aflame

You might be used to this domain like hell

But it toxicates me poisoning my brain with smoke 

Leaving burns on my mind and heart and I choke 

You can’t expect me to keep coming back to get burned again 

When I stay gone don’t make me into one of your pitiful stories

Tools to charm someone else 

Come and heal me from the marks you made 

The hell you put me through

And Change 

Change so I can write something good in these pages instead of smearing them with the remains of my broken heart 

Be the man I know you can be 

I need your soul not to get smothered by the faults of humanity 

Because I only have so much of myself to put in your sad sad stories

And I only have so much of me to give at all

I need pieces left to build and grow on 

Pieces left to mold into something new

You can’t have them all

This stagnant race is a pointless effort 

Breaking the loop seems impossible when my brain won’t stop repeating the lie that I need you

The worst kind of love is unconditional 

And It’s not you I hate so much but me 

That’s the real tragedy

That’s my real fault 

Because I’m not to blame for getting burned by your flames 

Yet I want to be 

So I can view you as a better person then you turned out to be 

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