The bright street lights shine bright against my shielded eyes, the warm summer air beams down almost like a blanket. I’m far from home as it is but with every step I take I feel the worry and discomfort building. But with any step I took , the need to continue dragged me forward as if I was programmed to walk as far and as fast as possible from point A onward.
The shoes and pants I had on were foreign to me as a set since I now only realized that I was dressed as if I had just woken from a long nap or as if I was longing in the safety of my own home. I was deep into upper saint paul at this point and had little to no direction to any of my steps, the night got cooler and slowly darker as the warm summer air on what i could only describe as freedom and a sense of free falling, as i walked the many different block of the city and saw neighborhoods and businesses and parks and schools go by i began to think, where is home? Why do I feel so much belonging in an endless crowd? Where will I be once I’m all alone? Why do the sounds of the city sound so alluring to me? Who really am i? As the sounds of the city swallow up my person and I fade into the city background as another random face among hundreds of thousands, as the sirens fade and the car horns blare I sit atop a parking garage, the air is cool yet refreshing to my skin.
I remember thinking the city was the largest thing i’d ever seen when i was a kid and how the lights and the houses sprawled for as far the eye could see, and it was still true as i stood with my back to the neighborhoods that creep across the saint paul area, i was confused on how i could feel so at home when i was still so small in the city streets and parks that i wandered through, with the realization that being alone within my own self and being able to analyze my own being in this place of existence.
With the realization that my place in existence is much like the city, while small it still has the individuality that makes the sea of people stick out ever so slightly against the backdrop of an urban environment, such as how those who find comfort of the masses and the different buildings and lives and lifestyles that each and every single person has lived, and i think to myself that maybe i am not so lost, mayne i am just different. And that the best way to fit in of all time. ‘